Losing Daniel
by roseofthegate
Summary: WARNING: Set right after Daniel died. My first oneshot. SJ


Title: Losing Daniel 

Author: roseofthegate

Setting: Right after Daniel died. (literally)

Disclaimer: I don't own a StarGate, StarGate SG-1, or any of its characters. Don't sue me. All you'd get is a pile of books, my manuscripts and sketchbooks. I do own Major Allison Cornnett, though. It is from her point of view this story is told from.

A/N: Major Cornnett is NOT an 'official' SGC member. She's a figment of my imagination and SG-1's personal psychologist. (NO I don't think that position actually exists!) This is my first one-shot so be honest in your review.

* * *

—_Flashback—_

_"I'm sorry. I'm sorry..." Sam said as Dr. Fraiser and her medical team swarmed around Daniel's slightly convulsing form. I firmly grasped her shoulders and pulled her out of Isolation Room 1. She collapsed on me, sobbing. _

_"I killed him more; I...I..."_

_"Sshh," I said in what I hope was a comforting way because tears were rolling down my cheeks, too..._

—_End Flashback—_

* * *

    Daniel had just died? Ascended? I don't know what. Well, he ceased to exist as a corporeal being about 3 hours ago. Ever since then, Colonel O'Neill's been a ghost; Teal'c has barricaded himself in his quarters; and Sam, poor Sam, she's blaming herself for Daniel's death because she tried to used that damn healing device on him and it didn't work. Right now she's sitting in my office with me staring blankly at the wall chanting softly, "I killed him. I killed him. I'm sorry! I killed..." She was sobbing as she chanted.  

    Finally I lost my mind. I said firmly but gently, "Major Samantha Carter, you did not kill him!"

    She stopped chanting and looked at me.

    I continued, "You asked him before you used that damn healing device," my voice quavered with uncried tears. "He agreed to it, knowing that you weren't quite sure of what you were doing. What would Daniel think of you, blaming yourself?" I looked her straight in the eyes.

    "I guess you're right, Allison," she sniffed, reaching for a tissue from the box on my desk. "But..."

    "But nothing," I interjected. "It's NOT your fault!"

    She looked at me and poured out her soul to me once again. She told me about Jonas Hansen and about losing her mother. She told me about her 'illegal' feelings for her CO and about everything that's ever happened to her. I listened, not interrupting her because I know from my own experiences that a listener is better than an advice giver. When she was done, she smiled sadly at me, the shadows that had been lurking in the back of her eyes, gone.

    I smiled back, but my smile was forced. I missed Daniel with all my heart and I had no one who I was comfortable with to turn unless I wanted to go to some independent psychologist with a cover story.

    Sam left and suddenly my office seemed very lonely and empty. I looked at the clock; it was 18:30 hours and Friday. I felt the unwanted tears well up in my eyes. Every Friday, Daniel and I went to a movie and had dinner together.

    Not allowing myself to wallow in self-pity, I dove into my work. General Hammond would be expecting a report on how Sam, Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c were dealing with Daniel's death.

    The gist of everyone was: Sam's getting better but it's going to be a slow healing process. Colonel O'Neill...that man was hard to get to talk. I remember our first appointment, over five years ago. The first thing he said to me was, "Give me one good reason why I should stay here and talk to a shrink." I think I told him essentially that if he didn't, he'd be court-martialed. Well he warmed up to me. In fact, he's one of my best friends. Teal'c. He's dealing with this in his own Jaffa-like way. There's not much I can do for him. He'll only talk to me if he wants to.

    I fell asleep at my desk and I had the queerest dream about Daniel.

* * *

_    He looked odd in a glowing sort of way. "Allison," he said. I blinked at him as he kept speaking.         "Allison, I'm fine."_  

    "_Fine?" I said. "As in DEAD?"_

    "_No, no, no." he replied patiently. "Far from that." He paused and went on, "Do you remember the Great Path?"_

_    How could I forget! I was Daniel's confidant when it came to his archaeological discussions. I guess I was the only one who had the background, patience and interest to listen to him because I had taken an ancient mythology course in college out of curiosity. "Of course I remember the Path, Daniel," I said. _

    "_Well, darling, just think of me as taking a different path to the Great One," he told me. _

_    It dawned on my then. He had ascended, not died! _

    "_You—"_

    "_Don't say it aloud, Ali. Please," he pleaded. _

_    I nodded in reply. _

    "_I'll always be around for you," he said and then gently kissed my lips. "I'll never let you go." _

_    Daniel then walked through a bluish whirlpool of light that had appeared out of nowhere. His words were echoing in my head. 'I'll never let you go..."_

* * *

    When I woke up, I felt a lot better. 

    Later that day Sam was back for another counseling session. It went a little better than the last. This time she cried a little and didn't blame herself.

    I left to get her a cup of tea to help calm her down. When I returned, Colonel O'Neill was there and well...they were kissing.

    My office doesn't have security cameras so I'm the only one who knows about this and I'll be damned if anyone makes me tell them about this. Not even General Hammond. As far as I'm concerned, it's going to help them both heal and get over Daniel's death.

    As I thought this, I felt a comforting arm slip around my shoulders and squeeze them lovingly. I looked over and there was Daniel, smiling at me. It was then that I knew that we'd get through this and that this Sam and Jack thing was alright as long as it did affect their work.

* * *

A/N: Please review! 


End file.
